Tuesday, November 01, 2011

New toe tricks...

that  David, my tricking student, and I need to add to our runs in 2012.

for the teacher, the toe wrap in

It looks like I am starting the turn too early into the pull.  I have a lot of work to do on that one in the spring.

For the student, the toe wake back.

David needs to give his shoulders to the boat as he rotates.   He might be closer to landing this one than I am to standing up my new one.  

Looks like we both have a lot of time to ponder these.  

Saturday, October 29, 2011

So last set...

triumph   gives way to an end-of-season buzzkill.


That  picture means nothing! Ski season is just peaking.



Well, maybe if I sacrifice my slalom bindings to the waterski gods I can ski until Thanksgiving.

So sad...


Ok, I understand.  I need to commit myself to a productive offseason.  I guess I have to come up with some other blog topics for a few months as well.

By the way, the Kubler-Ross model of grieving is, obviously, just a load of psychobabble.  I don't go through any of those stages.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Before packing it in...

for the season, I wanted to get two tricks on camera: A backflip reverse sequence and a toe wake O.  A month or so ago, I got the first one (or two, for all you specificityphiles out there).

It's October 25th,  one day until the boat gets winterized and stored.    Ross, David, Mitch and I have a short time window to ski, so that means I get one short trick set and my 2011 season is over.  So  here goes...

Got it.  Hopefully I can fit that trick into my toe pass in 2012.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

If you do not love...

this show, then shame on you.

Not only is The League piss-your-pants funny, the crass, biting interplay between characters is quite possibly the most realistic depiction of long-term male friendships anywhere on TV.

Oh Yeah, and there's Taco,

For the last three years, this show has eased the pain of the  advance of winter and the gradual end of ski season.

Monday, October 17, 2011



I think he brought it down a little.

Props to my tricking protegee for getting this on the web.  I am not sure if he actually shot the vid or not.

Monday, October 10, 2011

And so the waterski gods...

smiled down upon the land of  maize.  And lo, they rained down upon them 80 degree temperatures while the leaves turned.  And they accepted the waterski gods' sublime gift, and they practiced for their great pilgrimage.

In the weekend before  biggest tournament ever, the Iowa Hawkeyesused a divide and conquer practice strategy.  Half of their team drove up to Minnesota (yes, the weather in Minnesota was nice enough to intentionally drive there to waterski in October) and half stuck around in Iowa to practice at eagle lake in Evansdale.  I wasn't in Minnesota, so I don't have any video.  From what I heard, they got a lot of good slalom coaching.  Being that they were skiing at the site of a bunch of slalom specialists, my young padawan was the designated trick coach.

The Evansdale group practiced a little of everything.  Some highlights:


Rumor has it he has been neglecting his skiing for... and this is nearly unforgivable...class.  He has forgotten the Midwest collegiate skier's mantra:  Don't open your books until you see frost.


He just recently learned how to make a single wake cut.  Hopefully he will not learn (the hard way) that he needs to upgrade from that piece-of-shit he strapped on to his cranium to a full face helmet.  Still, nice jumping for a show skier.  Oh yeah, and  for God's sake, get some damn gloves. 

On her first day out, Sterling went from "Who are you?" to one of the top Hawkeye women skiers.  That being said, KEEP YOUR ARMS STRAIGHT!.  

I heard that there was some tricking there too, but I head to leave for my pre-overnight-shift nap.  So readers, yeah both of you, just imagine some video clips.    

A headwind (much more so than a mind) being "a terrible thing to waste,"  your fearless blogger could not help but lube up and strap on the long ones,
and strattle the fulcrum between "nice jump" and OH SHIIIIIII......... where am I?

My split loyalties a moot point this year, I hope the Hawkeyes ski their asses off down in my homeland.   

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Because the majority of...

rock bands from this past decade aren't fit to be roadies for the Seattle's best grunge bands, I will go off topic and celebrate the 20 year anniversary of one kick-ass album. That album being Badmotorfinger from Soundgarden.

Rusty Cage.



 If you listen to this album in the car and can hear (1) yourself think and (2) the engine, the volume is waaaaaaaay too low.

Friday, October 07, 2011

I commend my student...

for two things:

1.  Developing a stable reverse backwrap position.   Though his shoulders are low, and his left hand is high, he can  execute scorable surface back to backs.

2.  Purchasing/finding his own trick rope and rash guard.  Though the rope is old, and the rash guard has a smattering of peculiar stains on the chest, he can trick without borrowing any of my shit.

I present evidence of both

Thursday, October 06, 2011

After a year of jumping...

 at 33.6 mph, I feel like I am just starting to get my timing back at 35.4 mph again.    I feel dialed in to the jump course  at 35.4 again  and can, confidently, do a  35.4 mph double wake cut..  Unfortuately, I can't ski in any more tournaments this year.

A solid jump, despite losing about 10 feet because I released my left hand before the apex.

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

More Hawkeye love...

with some mixed emotions thrown in.

     I have a degree form Auburn University AND the University of Iowa.  More importantly, I skied for Auburn ('94-'98, War Damn wet eagle!).  I currently ski with the University of  Iowa waterski team, as I live in the Iowa City area.  Over the last few years, I have become somewhat of an unofficial coach for the Iowa ski team.   As is the case with any college ski team, there are members with all levels of passion and dedication to the sport.  
      Well, with a combination of some talented newbies, and a core of passionate skiers already in place, the Iowa Waterski team  earned the wildcard, grabbing the final division 2 spot in the 2011 NCWSA Nationals.  It was "only" division 2, and the very last spot, but nonetheless, the wildcard was an achievement to be celebrated.  So they celebrated:    

Credit to Brian  for the foresight to record this emotional explosion 

    Given the circumstances, one could make an agrument that the Iowa team reacted with a modicum of restraint.  To put the wildcard selection  in perspective, Iowa had not even qualified for Midwest Collegiate Regionals since 2003, and has NEVER received an invite to NCWSA Nationals, division 1 or 2*.  Whatever their placement may turn out to be, they can be proud of what they have accomplished.  It is not easy to get to Nationals.   Skiing primarily on a practice site  currently without a slalom course, much less a ramp, ups the difficulty immensely.  

    That brings me to the mixed emotions part:  As excited and proud as I was of Iowa 's wildcard Nationals invite, I was disappointed that Auburn, my undergraduate and ski team alma mater, placed 5th in the wildcard standings.  Since either 2002 (or 2003, I am not exactly sure), Auburn has practiced at Faith Lake in Shorter, AL, a private 3-event tournament site only 30 minutes from campus.  In water skiing, quality of practice site has a huge impact on a  team's ability to develop and recruit skiers.**   That being the case, Iowa, without any buoys or ramps to call their own, took the last Nationals spot.  

     The guys and girls who lube 'em up and strap 'em on for Auburn right now should learn from this.  Auburn has the resources to get to Nationals.  I am confident that I speak for every Auburn Waterski Team Alum when I say that I want to see them get back to Nationals.  WAR EAGLE and, next week especially, GO HAWKS!

*Unless you count Purdue or Iowa State offering some Iowa skiers a chance to tag along on a Nationals road trip to defray the twin burdens of gas and beer expenses.

**length of the ski season notwithstanding

Thursday, September 29, 2011

In honor of their...

first trip to Midwest Collegiate Regionals in a looong time,  I will show a little Hawkeye love

In your head, substitute "tournament" for "game"

here are a couple of the top Hawkeyes in action

Maddy: UI team president and  matriarch.  She also happens to be the baddest chick in the Great Plains conference.

David: Dedicated protegee of yours truly.  He Starts as soon as the ice melts, and skis until it comes back.  He has had top 5 finishes in tricks this season (I attribute this to coaching) 

(no video available)
His slalom scores (and boat towing)  make up for  his clumsiness on a pair of tricks (he's getting better).  Each week, he leads Iowa's men's slalom team, and hopes that he does not have to jump.

Stephanie:  "Who is the new girl that just came out?"  "I don't know."  "Damn, she can really ski.  Usually when we get newbies we're lucky if they can do a deep water start... on jumpers."



Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I swing both...

ways.  I have proof, finally.

Waiting slightly longer through the top of the wake = ride the damn reverse out.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Still preturning...

that toeside flip.  Otherwise, this was a decent sequence.

Despite the preturn, I could have ridden that one out had I let go of the outside hand on the landing.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

First, I bring her to the lake.  The next step is to get her to ride in the boat while skiers are being pulled.



 Despite the squniting, and a life Jacket that will fit much better next summer, she was all smiles.   Ok, maybe that was not exactly a smile.  but I am going to claim victory because there was no crying involved.

Friday, September 16, 2011

The first of hopefully...

many trips to the ski lake

At the ski lake 02

Step 1: complete.  Lots more to come.

If you take one thing away...

from this clip, it should be unintentionally profound comment from the Greek guy.

He mentions that "it is a real family event." Mr. Patounis is exactly right. One of the best parts about competitive waterskiing (its inherent adrenaline-junkie satisfying nature notwithstanding) is that an ENTIRE family (the family dog notwithstanding) can get out and compete. Competitions, from local tournaments all the way to the National championships, are organized around that very principle. Everyone from kids under 5 years old to Great-grandparents can lube 'em up, strap 'em on, and try to rip it.

This aspect of competitive waterskiing runs counter (thankfully) to the prevailing  sports culture. There seems to be an idea in our society that from birth through high school, competing in organized sports is second only to school in a kids' life, but after that, it is vain, selfish, and childish to go out and compete in anything not work-related, especially if one has children of his/her own.

Personally, I think that is a load of crap.

Why aren't there more outlets for oragnaized competition for every member of a family?  Perhaps if that were the case, this country would boast a lower percentage of  type 2 couch potatoes.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Oh 35mph, how I have...

missed you so. Admittedly, the longing for faster speeds is harder to see from that jump.

 Thanks to AWSA's recent (no-brainer) raising of some jump speeds , I am jumping at 35mph again. The M3 official ramp height will stay at 5'. To tell the truth, I would be happy either way on the ramp height, as I have always been more of a speed jumper than a big lift jumper. Now I just need more jumps that look like this one,  only farther.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

There must have been...

an updraft.

Two things catch my attention from this clip:

1. That recovery would send Sir Isaac Newton back to the drawing board.
2. Ski tournament announcing gigs are neither the time nor the place for porn voice-over work.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Official video evidence of...

David becoming a bona fide tricker,

Yours truly coming tantalizingly close to the Toe Wake O,

And Maddy schooling the both of us in the ways of the toe strap.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

I would have built some...

side curtains too.

Ahhhhhhh, remember the good old days when it was almost practical put a ramp on a public lake? Maybe there was another commercial in which the group of skiers used their Stanley tools to repair the frame after it was damaged from jet skis trying to jump the ramp.

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Eddie Pola, George Wyle, ...

and Andy Williams are, in the immortal werds of Lloyd Christmas, "full of shit." Tournament season is the most wonderful time of the year.

Although, sometimes, it can be less wonderful than it should be

Despite the hand pass debacle, Maddy placed a solid 5th Overall in her division.

One of the best parts about going to a tournament is the ability to pack lightly.
We had no need to bring portable buildings, large appliances, or any similarly sized items that might add unnecessary bulk to the drive up.
So roomy...

We had arrived.

10 days and a....

full course of Keflex later, Nola is on the mend


It's time for that dog to start doing what she does best,
harassing skiers.

Monday, August 01, 2011

Signs you least expect to see...

at a ski lake:
No peeing in the lake? Huh?

Apparently, the folks at Trophy Lakes in Minnesota are quite particular about the chemical composition of their lake water.

Stay tuned, Vids from 2011 Midwest Regionals are soon to come.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

This past weekend was not all...

Veterinary emergencies.. Between rain showers, there was Iowa State Championship Tournament.

My performance was, well, I'll let Randy Jackson describe it:

After a pass on the third jump, I took a jumper's walk of Shame.
Had I taken the jump, there would have been no walk, only shame.

Taking that last jump might have looked like this:
thankfully, Brian walked away from that one

I had planned to take a bunch of pics and video, honestly.

(Both) readers, blame the dearth of video on this:

Monday, July 25, 2011

Lakerykert team member injured...

this past weekend.

When not concocting elabotate schemes to foil the CRB's
drinking plans, Nola is my tournament sidekick.

Her normal tournament duties include swimming, shaking off on other skiers and/or spectators, soliciting anyone for free petting, and giving me a pre-ski pep talk.* While performing said duties, Nola makes a few assumptions:
1. All humans in attendance are her newest best friends
2. All other dogs in attendance will be her new best friends.
3. All humans in attendance want to throw the racquetball into the water
4. All food, if it's on the ground, goes to the hound.

This time, Nola was wrong about #2.


She was very wrong.
In exchange for an inquisitive sniff, a 40 lb. pipsqueak of a Labradoodle bit off a chunk of Nola's right ear. As always, she showed her true fighting spirit while cowering onto the ground. It's not too serious of an injury, but the vet will have to sedate her tomorrow to shave the ear and give it a good cleaning. She also got a course of antibiotics. Interesting sidenote: The standard large breed dose of Keflex is the same as the standard adult dose.

In about a week or so, she should be back to doing this:

In the meantime, enjoy the drugs Nola.

*Nola's pep talks entail loud barking in my ear while I slip my my feet into soapy bindings. If she deems I am not sufficiently "jacked," she jumps in after me.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I need a jumpsuit...

for flips

Friday, July 15, 2011

Much have you learned...

young Padawan.

David decided to strap on a trick ski (two, actually) about a year ago. after a set or two, he could do a full complement of surface tricks. So I decided to let him try one ski. The clip above is 1) evidence of his progression, and 2) validation of my coaching ability.

Not bad for one year's work. He almost has the toe back/toe front as well. Footage in a couple more sets.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Approved or not....

this is pretty bad-ass stuff.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

I bid you...

welcome to the waterski blogosphere, Matt. (Both my readers) give it up for knoffed-it.
Matt's stated mission is "to utterly and completely eff things up to the point of non-recognition." Few pursuits have been nobler.

This is the signature Pic on Matt's blog. Readers (again, both of you), don't let the rough jumping fool you. "Knoff" is a very solid tricker and slalomer (is slalomer a word?).

Friday, April 22, 2011

Make room in the boat...

for Scout Frances...

Baby 41911-13

Baby Weight

I will say she arrived in dramatic fashion, and leave it at that.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

First things first....


Now that she has some ski equipment, maybe Libby and I can come up with a name. If anyone (or a corporation) comes asking for naming rights, I'll at least listen. Exploitation fades in a sea of zeros.

Saturday, April 16, 2011



In April, this is not cool.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

The Short answer is...

Hell Yes!

"FROM: Richelle Matli, AWSA Rules Committee Chair

SUBJECT: AWSA Rules Committee Survey Regarding Proposed Increase in Jump Speeds

In the past several weeks, you were e-mailed a survey regarding proposed changes to jump speeds for the divisions listed below. The AWSA Rules Committee would like to give as many affected jumpers as possible, the opportunity to respond to the survey so that the committee has adequate data on which to base its recommendations.

If you have already submitted your survey, thank you! If not, please take a moment to complete the survey using the appropriate link below. Even if you think the proposed changes do not affect you, we want your feedback. We have extended the survey deadline to April 15, 2011.

If you know of any jump skiers that would be affected by this proposal who do not check e-mail on a regular basis, please ask them to do so or inform USA Water Ski or myself of their choices."

I say raise the speeds (and while you're at it, the ramp too, but that is another debate). Any M3 skier that wants to jump @ 33.6 is welcome to continue doing so.

Raise the speeds USAWS!

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Holy Shit!!!!

In nearly 10 days, this
29 week ultrasound

will no longer be riding in this
38 Weeks Front

Instead, it will be riding in this
0402111151 - Copy by no_hypothermia
0402111151 - Copy, a photo by no_hypothermia on Flickr.

Is this picture real or hopefully imagined??
18 weeks - ski handle

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Happily, time is running out...

for off topic posts, as ski season (and other major developments soon to be announced) draws near.
Anyway, while Steve Jobs slowly destroys my ears during my off-season workouts, I have come to a frightening couple of frightening realizations:
1. A hug chunk of the music on my iPod is pushing, or has passed, the 20-year-old barrier.
2. The early 90s FUCKING ROCKED!
2a. I'm getting old?
I submit as evidence:

Of course, with every yin, there is a yang, and there was a sizable amount of music in the early 90s that, despite attempts, did not fucking rock.
I submit as evidence:

No way in hell can I end on a Spin Doctors video. So here is more support for realization #2

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Clever, but not...

clever enough CRB. Even with Muary Levy on retainer, Nola has been playing the game about 10 moves ahead. Remember Back When you hired Jack Bauer to take Nola out? That, coincidentally, was the same time Nola was using Jack Bauer as a double agent to swindle the CRB out of their cooler and their paddle once and for all.

Here's how it happened: You see, Nola literally sniffed out the plan the CRB plan to hire Jack Bauer. Sniffed out as in Jack smelled like Cheez-its. Next time CRB, shower before your clandestine meetings. So, Nola sold a few Milkbones on Ebay and ponied up enough cash to to Make Jack Listen.

Don't think it's possible? Here's the evidence.
Jack Bauer bribe

Remember this scene, the crux (so you thought)of CRB retribution?

All a ruse. The plan was for Jack to paddle out into international waters, have Jack "shoot and miss," sinking the rowboat, leaving the paddle and the (puke-tinged) CRB cooler floating aimlessly, just waiting to be claimed.

All Nola had to do was lay low for a while, hop in the boat, and scoop up the goods.
nola in intl waters

Even Muary Levy is helpless,as Nola operated in international waters.
muary levy

Jack McCoy's(as Nola's Duly appointed fiduciary) role in this chapter? to remind Muary, (and his CRB clients) just how screwed he is.

Monday, February 21, 2011

CRB, again, you messed with...

the wrong dog.

Recently, you accused a certain Golden Retriever
Proud Snowy Nola
of plagiarism. A week or two has passed since that masochistic accusation. In that week or two, rage incubated. Nola read your 1000th post. Now the dog is out for blood. And she has some help

Jack Bauer is a pansy compared to the napalm steamroller now in Nola's employ: Nola hired a Jack more terrifying (to those he opposes)than even Jack the Ripper. That Jack is none other than Jack McCoy.

jack mccoy

Jack (as Nola's duly appointed fiduciary) is coming for you, CRB. He's suing you for libel. Get ready for a mountain of paperwork
paperwork 3
Here is a glimpse of your future

CRB, Jack (as Nola's duly appointed fiduciary) has a question for you:

in case you might be wondering just how Nola has the means to retain Jack McCoy's services, she put up two trophies up as collateral.
nola stolen property

When will you learn, CRB, to let, as the proverb cautions, sleeping dogs lie?
Sleeping Nola

Friday, February 11, 2011

No way in hell...

will I conclude my digression on cover songs with two shitty ones.

I like this one.

Here is my all time favorite cover tune.

If you cover it, bring it. That should be Federal law.

*Correction, at the time of Posting, Celine Dion's wretched bastardization of "You Shook Me All Night Long" was pasted instead of Eddie Vedder's version Of Gordon Peterson's "Hard Sun" I DO NOT LIKE that Celine Dion Tune. That was a cut-and-paste faux pas.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

While we're on the subject...

this cover is, arguably, worse than Fergie's tragicomic rendition of "Sweet Child o' Mine."

This one, however, takes the cake (and substitutes salt for sugar in the recipe)

To paraphrase: May God NOT have mercy upon your souls.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

The previous post...

could be titled "How Not to Cover a Great Rock Song." This, is how it should be done.

By the way, It's winter, so going off topic is ok. BACK OFF MAN!

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

And so verily...

it was, an abomination upon that most sacred of rock Pslams. And it came to pass, on that holy Sabbath, that it was blasphemed. And the LORD was angry. And so the bile rose, from the pit of the stomach to the ears, upon those who listened. And verily, they brought forth vomitus, and their ears burned. For she sang...

My theory on why Slash is participating:
Slash is telling Axl If it sucks so bad, then why don't you stop snorting coke off of that washed up (circa '88)groupie's flabby ass, sack up, grab a mic, and belt this shit out the way God intended.

Alternate theory: Anything for a paycheck

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Nice weather...

we're havin'!


Monday, January 31, 2011


Output indeed.

I wonder if Andy threw down with Cory 'cuz he was mackin' on his honey**.

**Notice the hip lingo

Thursday, January 27, 2011



Dear Bigwigs at Correct Craft. I recently watched the video of your new all-electric powered ski boat on your website. Great work. Of course the Electric Nautique is not ready for mass-production right now, but it is a great first step and I applaud your company's willingness to experiment with new technology. Real innovation requires bold, though sometimes awkward, first steps, and your company put forth the money, labor, and time to push the limits of available technology. The payoff may (or may not) come years or decades from now, yet Correct Craft has the courage to go after it.

That being said, I have discovered one itty-bitty problem with the promotional video on the blog section of the Nautique website. Here is the problem: Except for the last two or three seconds, background music plays during all of the skiing footage. WHAT THE HELL! THIS IS AN ELECTRIC BOAT,WITH NEARLY SILENT OPERATION! The lack of engine noise would make this video sound completely different than ANY other skiing video. Without the background music, you, Correct Craft, could treat viewers (and potential boat-buyers) to an aural experience unlike any other in waterskiing. But instead, you decided to wash the clip in generic background music so it would sound like every other skiing clip ever produced. Great work.
Assuming that boat promotion has been around as long as there have been boats, Adding background music has to be the, stupidest, most moronic idea ever used to promote a boat. You have made something truly unique sound just like everything else. Brilliant, just brilliant.
This quote sums it best

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Monday, January 10, 2011

Simply put...

I need my Auburn Tigers to win. Watching the Saints tank it* in the playoffs against a 7-9 team and watching Auburn lose the National Championship** Game would be too much to disappointment for me to handle***.


**In as much as the B(silent)CS can crown a "National Champion." See Tulane, TCU, Boise Stae, Utah, Auburn cicra '04

***Perspective, Shmershective