Friday, April 18, 2008

The cooler theft is bigger...

than anyone at Lakerykert or The Creaky Rowboat could have ever imagined. It is not just the CRB cooler. It is helpless coolers from all over this land. Nola masterminded the entire operation.
How do I know, you ask? The proof was in my backyard this morning. Coolers everywhere. CRB crew, you are not the only victim Everywhere, people languish in sobriety.
Look in horror:

Backyard crime scene

CRB, Don't think that this is over and you are safe now. Nola's reign of terror has become a personal canine vendetta. Look at your siderails. Are you missing something? Something critical to the operation to a rowboat?
Nola paddle theft

A paddle, perhaps?

After all of this crime and beer deprivation, the most important question to ask now is why? Why does my dog steal coolers, and now paddles?
The answer is simple, she has a criminal mind. I did some research and I unearthed this photo:

It turns out Nola did some time in puppy prison before perfecting the puppy-dog eyes and moving in to the home of an unsuspecting couple in Iowa. Providing a home, I thought my wife and I were safe. As it turns out, she was playing me all this time. I just called my bank today and I discovered that my accounts had been drained, converted to rawhide and chicken livers.

What next, you conspiring canine????

By the way, Nola only stole the cheez-its were to bribe Cujo. Cujo was necessary to keep up Nola's (man's best)friendly image.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I was called out...

By the Creaky RowBoat crew on my MS Paint skills. Weel, Abides, Ol'Dirty Bass Fisherman, and CRB Minion, here is my answer. You said New USA Waterski
ED Steve Locke can drink from the CRB cooler. I noticed there is no CRB cooler on the site.
Do you know why there is no CRB cooler on your site? Because Lakerykert's blog dog fetched it and brought it to me. Good girl Nola! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


Saturday, April 12, 2008

Skier Warning: off-topic post

While trying find this blog on this vast series of tubes we all love to surf, my Dad has run across a conceptual snag. Thast's right, not a technical snag, but a conceptual snag. If he cannot find a site immediately, he assumes that the site in question "must not be on his internet." He assumes that there exist several (or perhaps many, many more) internets, among which all sites are divided. So if you do not like that sites to which your internet provider gives access, you must either accept that, or get a different provider. So, Dad if you indeed find my blog on "your" internet, here is a conceptual diagram of the essence of the internet, as it relates from computer to computer.

Key: PC=personal computer
ISP=Internet Service Provider

Dad, this is your concept of the internet
internet 2

This, however, is a concpet which is congurent with reality
internet 1

Dad, your concept of the internet, while dead wrong, has not been without literary and philosophical precedent. Gottfried Leibiniz was an early Modern Philospher who was a leading proponent of the multiple universes. Also, any astute reader of Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy understands both the possibilities and perils of the existence of multiple worlds.
Whether this is the greatest of all possible worlds, as Leibniz argues, or there exist multiple worlds-and the possibility of paths between them can lead a mortal to wage war on heaven- as Pullman dooms, there is still just one internet, in this world.

Next post: more skiing, hopefully

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

More footage...

of early season skiing. I tricked today and it was even rustier than my last set. Luckily, the rope release puller couldn't hold the camera at the same time. So for your viewing enjoyment (that's both of you), I have a few clips of Leah riding her jumpers.

I'm a big believer in the crane drill. I start all my just-cutting jump sets with it. Leah has been doing it too.

Coming of age post-PerfectPass, Christy

has not done much of old-fashioned (hand throttle) jump driving. I helped her out by hollering "GAS!"

I'm still working out the kinks uploading this one.

As you see here, early fatigue is common this time of year.

Monday, April 07, 2008

An unauthorized autobiography...

of your blog moderator

I spent much of youth carving up the bayous of just north of New Orleans, 'till that fateful day when I became a wanderer. I ran over an alligator. The fin on my 1993 Kidder Redline slalom sliced Clean through the old beast's cranium. Horribly, It was Gaston, The venerable 15-foot alpha-gator Emeritus of the Tchefuncte River. From that day forth, I was a marked man. Every Gator on that river knew my name, and wanted revenge.
Fearing the aptly-named death roll, I fled. I passed the latter half of the 90's in East-Central Alabama, studying philosophy and honing my craft in relative anonymity. That was until I heard a rumor I knew in my heart to be true.
North of Mobile, the state of Alabama is supposed to be devoid of gators. So when a friend told me about gator sightings in a local tributary affectionately (and aptly) named drunk creek, I knew I had been found. Lake Martin fed Drunk creek, and Lake Martin was our ski team's practice site. Drunk creek's water held my scent. Gaston's descendants were on the verge of capturing me.
So I fled once again, this time to the tobacco fields of eastern North Carolina to live as a ski instructor in a small, isolated catfish pond. Inevitably, I caught wind of a gator sighting on the banks of the Cape Fear river. Though an unconfirmed sighting, it was the impetus I needed to leave. AS months passed, I sensed a seething insanity in the family that kept me, as if I were a guest in the House of Usher. Escape compelled me again.
Needing to regroup for a while, I landed back In New Orleans for a time. I knew Gaston's progeny were sullied across the south in their search so I had a window, to once again indulge in raw oysters and shrimp po'-boys.
Quickly, the window shut. On a crescent bend in the Mississippi river, peering eyes followed me, from just above the surface, every time I jogged along the levee. The gators had followed my scent back home. Luckily, a girl from Iowa was kind enough to offer me asylum in the maize-fields of the great white north. There I've stayed, sacrificing the warmth of year-round skiing for the safety of a frigid Gator-barrier.

Sunday, April 06, 2008


ski season has begun. This past Friday (April 4th), to be exact. I was supposed to get on the water the day before (April 3rd), but there was one small problem.

Snow in April 1

Snow in April 2

The snow was not the main problem. It was the lightning stikring the area in the hours before the snow. I lack, however, the photographic acumen to catch a bolt on (digital, or any) film.

Friday's conditions (minus the 40-something degree water temperature coupled with slight wind chop on the Coralville reservoir), were perfect. Eagerly, I hitched up the (oh-how-she-shows-her-age) Moomba. Notice the missing giude bar on the back of the trailer. I believe that costs extra, just like the starter that accepts vintage car keys, flathead screwdrivers, and Swiss Army can openers. It also accepts as its own (precision-machined) ignition key.

Moomba + Xtera

I managed to take anything-but-fall-please trick set, and I rode my jumpers. I had big plans to get lots of video footage, but my camera battery crapped out early. All I managed to get were a couple clips of wake jumping and a few surface tricks. Oh well, It's early yet, and and I skied like it.

Not terribly exciting footage. Like I said, it's early.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008


For everyone's sanity, this is a new version, hopefully free of typos

There has been a recent thread on the message board
about a push to get waterskiing recognized (and thereby governed) by the NCAA. Skiers, stay the hell away from this. It is, simply put, a dangerous, bordering on stupid, idea.

Anyway, here's the slightly revised version of what I wrote:

This topic came up on a couple of years ago. It was a bad idea then and it's a bad idea now.

1. Title IX-- the only thing that will happen is that women's teams would be funded and given partial scholarships and men's teams will receive no scholarship money. Sorry national champ caliber skier, the fifth string punter on the football team needs his full ride, otherwise he might attend his major in-state rival.
Collegiate Waterskiing already achieves something that NCAA sports, their rulebooks stacking as high as all volumes of the venerable Encyclopedia Britannica, have yet to achieve: full gender equality. It does this simply by awarding titles on combined team scores and weighing the men's and women's scores equally. If it ain't broke...

2. Scholarships-- It is highly doubtful that waterskiing scholarships would be the all-expenses-paid stipends skiers hope they would be. Since waterskiing would no doubt be a "nonrevenue" sport, each member would not receive a full scholarship, requiring a small percentage of scholarships to be distributed to the entire team. The New York Times recently wrote about this, here's a link

3. Regulation, Regulation, Regulation-- the governing structure of the NCAA is so mind-numbingly overreaching that the way collegiate skiing is governed (i.e., by the skiers themselves) would immediately cease to exist.

*Decisions about waterskiing would be made by people with backgrounds in football, baseball, etc. Conference/regional boards governed by student representatives-- done for.

*Skiers working toward officials' ratings by judging/driving at Collegiate tournaments-- gone. No way in hell the NCAA would let active competitors officiate an event

*Practice begins when the weather permits-- nope. Mandatory start dates. Team takes the boat to Okeheelee for spring break to train-- not without Committee approval and a feasibility study.

*Lake owners bring a local boys/girls 3 skier out to the lake when a collegiate team is practicing-- whoops, NCAA rules violation, that was an unsanctioned recruiting visit, now your school is on probation.

*What if one of the Alums at your school gives you his old jump sling? Violation. Improper gift to an athlete. No postseason for your school for the next two years.

4. Pros--None of the " top dogs" would be able to be collegiate skiers. Anyone who has won, or perhaps even competed, at a cash prize tournament is out, ineligible. This will surely include skiers who have worked in a ski show--you are now ineligible. Worked at a ski school?--prepare to show a lot of documents proving that all you did was cut grass. And if a coach shows up in the off season at your ski school, you were having a sanctioned practice out of season- your school is on probation.

5. More exposure? Forget it. Waterskiing will surely be promoted about as much as Field Hockey or Rowing. It's a nonrevenue sport

It basically comes down to the end of collegiate waterskiing being controlled by waterskiers, and the beginning of Collegiate waterskiing being controlled by ex-football coaches and compliance officers. Personally, I think autonomy in a sport is a good thing. There will be none in NCAA waterskiing.

Excuse me as this rant a little off-the-cuff

Commenters, Feel free to bitch me out if I am the stupid one.